Defensiveness is usually a natural reaction when something happens that doesn’t meet your expectation of how someone should treat you.
It almost sounds too good to be true but now we have research to prove it. To summarize that research, your brain cannot be grateful and fearful at the same time. Do you find yourself getting angry either inside your head (ouch to you) or outside? (ouch to others) Where does anger come from? Usually …
Only you can listen to your inner voice. No one else can hear it… but if they could what would they say.
I actually don’t know anyone who goes around in the world thinking “I wonder who I can offend next”.