All bets are off when stress enters our relationships. When your partner or co-worker does something you want to react to… take a breath… You do have a choice of how you’ll respond before the chemical “rage train” starts to run down the tracks.
Research says you have about half a second to choose a helpful response rather than a poor reaction. If you practice a helpful response in advance (now) that will give you a moment to think, your interaction could be productive. How about replacing defensiveness with curiosity? Say something like, “That’s interesting” or “I’ll need a minute to think about that or “I see this a little differently than you do. Can I have some time to think about it before responding?” If you rehearse these time tested responses in advance you have a much better chance to move forward with a productive conversation.
However, If you feel the “rage train’s” off and running and about to go off the tracks… research says it takes about 15 or 20 minutes for your heart rate to go down and your logic to start working again. Take a break and approach the matter after a little time has passed
Of course it’s a little different for everyone and STOP GUESSING: FOR COUPLES will help you fine tune those differences and solve your relationship problems before they start.